Necessary Ambivalence

Today I found the perfect rest spot on my run. I wasn't tired and didn't need to stop. But the location - a little nook in the forest in between some trees - invited me in. The ground was cool with some snow and lots of pine needles. I sat back for a few minutes and took in the view.

What now? As I lounged in this woodsy nook, I pondered what to do next. With nothing planned, and no special place to go, I sat and soaked in a few minutes of necessary ambivalence...a few minutes of no responsibilities, no commitments, no obligations, no nothing. Just trees, snow and pine needles.

Then I rose to move up the trail, crossing a few snow fields and taking in more views. The day was crisp, and the blue sky hugged the tree line above me as I continued to climb. After getting a glimpse of Mt. San Gorgonio and the 10,000 foot ridge, I started my descent down some ski slopes. 

Then I saw something moving a couple hundred yards above me. I stopped and looked closer. It was in the middle of a snow field and I wasn't close enough to determine exactly what I was looking at, so I had to deduct in the moment what preditor this might be. Not a coyote - this was too bulky. Probably not a mountain lion - they don't show themselves until they are attacking, and this didn't seem hungry for me. Then it took off into the trees. 

So, Dorathy, yes! I do suppose we will meet some wild animals. 

 

Embrace What Comes, In Due Time

Today was another inspiring day on the path. To learn and to ponder. What else can one ask for? 

Starting with a touch of the Pacific Ocean, I turned east and fell into a consistent pace hovering around 130 bpm while climbing 1'600 feet, cresting at the top of Newport Coast. There is something about touching the ocean that draws me in. Especially knowing I will peer down from much higher ground. Knowing I was there and now I am here, that is fulfulling. 

Listening to Alan Watts along the way reminded me of some basic truths. The importance of spontaneity and effortless action. Pursuing things without forcing them to happen. Waiting for the right time for events to unfold. What the Chinese call Wuwie, or acting in harmony with the universe. Some might call this "going with the flow," with a healthy dose of spontaneity mixed in.

I think running longer distances has helped me embrace Wuwie. So many times in my life when I've been anxious and pushed too hard, too early, I end up crumpled and dissappointed. Alternatively, when I bide my time and remain patient, and let my body embrace what comes to it, in due time, I end up feeling strong and complete. 

And in harmony. 

Yesterday 4:17PM

Yesterday at 4:17PM there were grey clouds covering Saddlback Mountain. More, still, hung beutifully over the southern horizon. As I approached the lookout I decided to let my camera roll to capture the moment. Inspiring? Or just another day of a runner seeking solace through his obsession. Perhaps both.

I have not written much here in some time. Maybe that will change. I miss transferring emotion I've gained on the trail to these pages. 

  

   

Age. A State of Mind?

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

           — George Bernard Shaw

They say that age is a state of mind. I tend to agree with this adage - with one caveat - your state of mind can change quickly, and without notice. As in one moment you can be running like a banshee down a mountain trail, full of vim and vigor, and the next moment you can be falling face first on that same trail, questioning your own sanity before the point of impact. 

Twain had an interesting perspective on age. He said "If you don't mind, it doesn't matter". I wholeheartedly agree with this thought, with one minor exception. Like when you have been running for 5 hours in the heat of the day, and you forget to take in adequate electrolytes. You begin to notice the rest of your body taking on a mind of its own. Now you are running with two minds, with one telling you to charge on, and the other is slowly turning out the lights, telling you the party is over. Next you find yourself crumpled on the ground fighting leg cramps. Does that matter?

There are occasions when I question myself, and the decision to pick up ultra running in my late 40s and continue into my 60s. Why put myself through the difficulty? Why not simply play golf or pickle ball to, as Thoreau once said, "wring the marrow out of life?" Perhaps it comes down to something I realized as I look back on the challenges I faced along the way. Maybe its the highest "highs" and the lower "lows"  that are the most memorable, because they are the ones that make me feel alive.

Happy running everyone!