Why? Why am I doing this? Another year in front of me and I’ve gone and signed up for four hundred mile races. I’ve signed up for the Grand Slam. Western States. Vermont. Leadville. Wasatch. What the *$%@ am I doing this for?
I’m hanging on to something here, but I’m not sure what. An obsession? Sometimes I wonder. Then I find my repose by refusing to believe that I’m the obsessive type...and what loony tune ever would? It all comes down to a grudge match between self-awareness and delusion. Which just means that I’m aware of my own delusions.
I guess it wasn’t very helpful that I told my wife about my Grand Slam ambitions while we were at Denny’s Restaurant, and I was eating the Grand Slam breakfast. Wow, I should have gone lighter on the Tabasco and pepper that day. I can still taste that one.
It will be hard. It always is. Work is getting more demanding. Or, maybe I’m demanding more of it. There is travel on the horizon. And goals and the vision. My family is and will remain my greatest priority. They are done with the 100-mile family vacations. “It’s just not fun anymore dad,” my oldest daughter said to me recently. What I’m trying to get my arms around now is how to maintain more balance, and to find the time to run without jeopardizing these important things in my life.
I’m learning along the way that, much to my relief, there is no perfect time or balance for life’s priorities. Time is always tight when I’m trying to keep priorities in balance. Family, work, training, in this order, is the balance that I seek. I am very fortunate that I have this triangle to begin with.