May 31, 2011

Thank You. Hoka One One


It wasn’t long ago that I was having serious doubts about finishing my ultra racing season. Routine long runs, something I look forward to, were becoming nearly unbearable from the pain in my foot caused by a neuroma. I went to a podiatrist who did to me what western medical professionals do so well – he gave me drugs by shooting me up with cortisone. But the pain didn’t subside. Instead it lingered and seemed to get worse on the tough, rocky trails that I’ve been training and racing on. 

I experimented with several types of shoes, hoping the pain would just go away.  Trail shoes, road shoes, racing flats, anything I could get my hands on.  But nothing seemed to help.  Some shoes made it worse, while others fought off the pain for an hour or two. But inevitably the pain kicked in as soon as I started climbing hills or running on rocky terrain. All I could do was shrug my shoulders in frustration.

Then I tried Hoka One Ones.  A rather unconventionally designed shoe, Hoka midsoles are as much as 2.5 times thicker and 30% softer than the typical trail shoe. With the additional thickness, Hoka’s were designed with a significant rockering (curve) in the soles, help
ing runners to produce a quick turnover. The shoes have a very wide birth with 50% more surface area than other shoes.  Even with the thickness and wide surface these shoes are surprisingly light. My size 11’s weighed in a little over 12 ounces.  

 Just as soon as I started running in Hoka’s the pain from the neuroma simply stopped. I’ve been running and racing in them since April.  With a couple of hundred miles logged in them, including a 50 mile and a 100k race with some significant technical terrain, I’m pretty sure my neuroma is no longer a factor for me. Other than some customary blisters, I walked away from both races without feeling any pain in my foot. I even switched back to a conventional trail shoe to be sure and the neuroma flared up again.

Hokas come in two models with a third to be released very soon. The Mafete, which is designed for trails, is the bulkier and widest of the two. The Bondi, for roads, is a little lighter and has a slightly smaller profile. I’ve been using both on and off the trail with much success. One caution is that I don’t recommend the Bondi for trails.  I took them out on trail one day and rolled my ankle in the first several steps. A final note for Hoka neophytes—be sure to order at least a half size larger than you typical shoe size.

A third model, the Stetson, is due to be released in a matter of weeks and shares the Bondi light upper section and the Mafate wider footprint. My order has been in for a few weeks and my feet are getting anxious.

Thank you Hoka One One.  I don’t think I would be running and racing ultras without you.

May 23, 2011

Bishop High Sierra 100k - Having Trust

When Rob M and I arrived Friday evening in Bishop for the pre race dinner I quickly made a beeline to the beer garden that was serving up free local brew for runners. The restaurant was buzzing with runners chomping on pasta and garlic bread.  But when I lifted the clear plastic cup and pulled on the silvery spout,  a loud, hissing sound nearly knocked me off my feet.  The keg was already dead!

The Bishop High Sierra 100k is the first 100k I’ve ever run. Aside from its connection to So Cal Ultra Series, I chose this race because of its difficulty and reputation for old school charm. With two kegs killed before our arrival, the charm had warn off and the difficulty had begun!

We started Saturday morning under clear skies with the prospect of thunderstorms arriving in the afternoon.  I’ve never seen lightning during a race, and I was looking forward to some fireworks to keep my adrenalin flowing.  Even though lightening didn’t appear, the course didn’t disappoint. We climbed along a sandy and rock strewn trail for 15 miles and over several snow drifts until we reached the Overlook turnaround at 9’400’.  Here runners were required to grab a hole punch dangling from a post to mark their race number as proof they made the distance.

Surrounded by the majestic peaks of the eastern Sierra, we continued along mostly fire roads for another 18 miles at an elevation between 7’500’ and 8’500’.  At this altitude I chose to ratchet things down a little and save some energy for the miles ahead. Even though my watch was set to ring every 45 minutes to remind me to eat, I wasn’t getting enough calories, probably due to the extra effort needed to run at altitude. I devoured some chicken burritos at the Intake 2 aid station at mile 26.5, and washed it all down with Gingerale.  Man that tasted good.

Then I remember being passed by another runner on a climb around mile 29. I reminded him we weren’t even half way.  His double take said it all.  As the miles ticked away, my confidence continued to grow. I decided to hold back until mile 35 when we began the long 15 mile descent back down to Bishop. Again, I said to myself knowledge is patience, and patience pays dividends in this sport.

It dawned on me during the race that getting through the last portion of an ultra is more about trust than your god given talent. It's about the trust you have that the pain will eventually fade, and better moments are sometimes just around the corner. It's also knowing that this trust is constantly being tested, because sometimes even greater difficulties are around the corner.  But you keep moving forward, despite the challenges, and eventually you get through them.

When I reached Sage Summit aid station at mile 52, my trust was redeemed.  From here I could see the turnaround some 1,000 feet below. I knew I had to run down and back up 1,000’ of switchbacks, but I also knew that once I made the final climb, it was just over 5 miles to the finish and all down hill.  So after several more shots of Gingerale, I descended into the valley below and turned to make my way back up this stairway to the sky.  The Sierras were gleaming by this time, and the sun’s rays  were piercing through the clouds and highlighting the valley below.  Before I knew it I was making my final steps to the finish line.  My final time was 11 hours and 38 minutes, 4th overall and 2nd age group.

Another day at the office as Rob M would say.

May 14, 2011

150 Miles Down, 262 Miles To Go

Three races are now in the book. Avalon 50 mile, Old Goats 50 Mile and Leona Divide 50 mile.  All behind me.  So now comes the fun stuff. Bishop High Sierra 100k (10,000 feet elevation gain) next weekend, San Diego 100 mile (12,300‘ elevation gain) three weeks after that, then the grand daddy Angeles Crest 100 mile (with some 21,600 feet of elevation gain) in July.  To be honest I haven’t really been thinking about the road ahead as much as I’ve taken things day to day.  I think my body is ready for the challenge, now I just need to get my mind ready.

I’ll be heading up to Bishop next weekend with two training buddies Bino M and Rob M.  This will my first time running Bishop and I’m looking forward to getting on the trail up there.  The course ascends to over 8’500 feet with most of it at 7,000’ elevation or higher. It will be interesting to see how my body handles things up there.  Whatever is to come, I’m excited about running a low-key, old school ultra event which this race is known for.  



Below is a profile of the elevation of the course.  Note the arrow which is the elevation of Denver just to put things in perspective! 


Bishop High Sierra 100k Profile





May 4, 2011

Can A Runner Learn From A Boxer?

Today I was on my elliptical machine churning out a few miles before going to work and I happened upon an article on Manny Pacquiao in the Wall Street Journal.  What caught my attention was the article’s focus – which is on Pacquiao’s conditioning methods.  Pacuiao’s has won world titles in eight weight classes – from 112 to 154 lbs.  This is incredible to say the least.  His record going into this weekend’s fight is 52-3-2 with 38 knockouts.  He is favored to win against Sugar Shane Mosley who is 46-6-1 with 39 knockouts.  Of course anything can happen.


So what is so special about Pacquiao’s conditioning methods?  His abdominal work.  The guy is grinding out 2000 reps daily of core work that is, well, inspiring.  My routine of 100 reps daily has just been ratcheted up.  He’s also incorporating a lot of running including hill, interval and obstacle work.  With an ability to take his heart rate north of 200 bpm and hold it there for a “long period”, I can see how he simply wears down his competition.

Any lessons here for us ultra runners?  If you want to maintain good running form for the long run while minimizing injuries in multiple areas, core work is critical.  How many sit ups or crunches have you done today?



Image: xedos4 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
     

May 1, 2011

2011 Leona Divide 50 Mile Race Report

I don't normally post from my Iphone but since I'm at my kid's swim meet today with no Sunday paper, I'll indulge.

The 2011 Leona Divide 50 mile race was held yesterday with a record attendance of runners, good weather and great race support.  In her second year as race director, Keira Henninger has moved this once salty ultra classic into a made-for-all trail run replete with a 30k, 50k and (original) 50 mile distances.  Over 400 registered for the events, far overshadowing the 150ish that historically ran the 50 mile.

One of the best things about Leona Divide is the trail, which is  uniquely varied in terrain, elevation and temperature.  A blend of truck trail and single track (nearly all on the Pacific Crest Trail) moves like a snake through a constant mix of climbs, descents and rolling flats.  Temperatures started in the high 30s/low 40s and rose to the mid 70s.

My only gripe about the "new" Leona coarse is the added PCT section from miles 25 to 28 and 32 to 35.  Here runners must share a very narrow foot-wide trail along the side of a very steep slope while running in both directions (sometimes quite fast).  Don't get me wrong here.  I'm a big fan of single track trail, but not on a narrow two way section of a race the has ballooned in size and will probably continue to grow.  Slower runners are asked to stand aside for the faster runners which, given the very narrow and steep terrain, means stopping and leaning against a  grade some 20, 30 100? times for some of the back of the packers!  The old coarse had a similar problem but seemed manageable with fewer runners.

I went into Leona hoping to break 8 hours and if not then at least break my previous time of 8:15.  Just before the 6 am start we runners were entertained by the Jimmy Dean show to loosen us up.  Once underway I was feeling excitement and found my rhythm in the first 20 miles. But this was the first time for me running the new coarse.  Not a problem until I tried to gauge how far I had run.  When I hit Jimmy D's aid station around mile 25, the old turn around point, and found out I had another 5 miles to run to the new turn around, my excitement quickly turned to frustration.  Miles 25 to 35 was the new section and for me the most difficult. After the narrow single track, the course descends a long truck trail.

At one point after running alone for a good 10 mins and not seeing any trail markers I thought I was lost.  It was only seconds after I shouted several loud expletives that a runner rounded the corner.  Frustration turned, at least momentarily, to embarrassed relief. But as I continued down the long descent and then turned to make the long climb, I lost my sense of rhythm and doubt started to creep in. I reminded myself that these miles, 25 to 35, were usually the hardest for me in a 50. Too far from the start to feel good, and not far enough to feel the pull and adrenaline of the finish.  Knowledge is patience I reminded myself.

Once I made the climb I knew most of the remaining miles were rolling flats and a long descent. I got my rhythm and confidence back through most of this section and managed to pass several other runners.  I could feel the finish line by now which helped me stay on pace.  I rounded the last turn knowing my first goal was out of reach and not sure about my second goal. When I saw the clock I felt satisfied with a 5 minute PR for the course.  8 hours 10 minutes.

From excitement, frustration, relief, doubt, confidence all the way to satisfaction, Leona brought them all to me.  Just like a slice of life.  Another reason I like running ultras.

Keep it real runners!

April 24, 2011

The Burden


"The burden which is well borne becomes light." 


Ovid

April 22, 2011

Music on the Mind

I'm often reminded how much music influences my mood, thoughts, even my perspective.  I remember when I was in college and I changed my major because of music.  I won't go into detail for fear of reprisal by big brother but I owe it to the Clash, more specifically Joe Strummer, who often sang about a world of injustices, cataclysmic idealism and even  misfit youths.  


Now, thanks to the Music Genome Project, I can stream music into my brain like DNA from my saliva, or electrodes from my synapse. I love music, yet I’m not sure about the technology that now controls it.  Don't get me wrong.  I stream Pandora with the best of 'em, especially on long runs over several hours when I'm going it alone.  I should be rejoicing in the made-for-me-random rhythms it throws down on my plate.  Hell, I lap it up like a pig at a trough. 

But there is a subtle, albeit sinister, doubt lodged somewhere deep in my stubborn cortex.  Is music made to be streamed at the touch of the finger to an "I" this or an "I" that?  Is there any magic lost when you can hear any tune, anywhere, anytime, with anybody doing anything for any reason? Listening to music used be like playing Russian Roulette with adrenalin.  You never knew where or when you would hear a song that would send a surge through your limbic system.  Now music is like picking up a prescription from Rite Aid.  Need a surge of aggression?  Dial Rhapsody for The Chrystal Method. Melancholy?  Type in System of a Down.



Call it Orwellian paranoia, but sometimes I miss my RCA turntable that used to play Sandinista only so loud before the speakers nearly burst from Paul Simonon's heavy base beat.  I know I'm aging myself kids, but that memory is only blurred by the Schlitz Malt Liquor talls that accompanied it.


Excuse the rant folks, it's just a Rebel's Waltz.

April 17, 2011

When A Tick Was Sucking My Blood



Have you ever run through tall grass only to have a blood feeding parasite attach itself to your skin?  You don’t realize it because it inserts its chelicerae (cutting mandibles) and hypostome (feeding tube) into the skin with little notice. The feeding tube is covered with recurved teeth so the bastard puts a vice grip on your flesh.

I had the pleasure of this experience today!  I only found the tick while I was taking a very rare post-run shower.  I was scrubbing my legs (again a rare occurance) and there it was on my hand!  I flung the mandible laden creature to the shower floor.  I watched it scurry aimlessly in a pool of shower borne suds.  Then I quickly captured it in a plastic container I normally use for Succeed tabs.

I’ve been warned about ticks for years. Stay out of the grass or else! Well today Rob M and Bino joined me for a run through some pretty tall grass. Nearly 30 miles of it.  At one point when we were descending Rattlesnake Ridge in El Moro the trail was not even visible for over a mile.  As we ran through this narrow, rock ridden single track, unable to see the ground beneath our soles, we were like banshees descending into the depths of an arachnid hell.  Then Bino moaned.  After two ankle rolls under this grass covered minefield he’d had enough. But we continued down, into the breach.

The biggest fear of a tick isn’t the blood it sucks from your veins.  Or the teeth it lodges into your flesh. The biggest fear of a tick is the disease it injects into your body.  Ten human infections are known to come from ticks. Rocky Mountain spotted fever. Babesiosis.  Tularemia.  Lymes disease.  Like the menu?  You better, ‘cause it’s made to order for exploring runners.

If there is any silver in this lining it isn’t the thread of disease these critters spread, and it isn’t the misery they sling at us outdoorsmen.  It’s that the disease can be detected and treated.  My biggest fear of ticks is Lymes disease. This debilitating, life altering disease is the most common tick borne disease in the northern hemesphere.

According to Wiki, early symptoms “may include fever, headache, fatigue, depression and a characteristic circular skin rash called erythema migrans. If untreated, later symptoms may involve the joints, heart, and central nervous system. In most cases, the infection and its symptoms are eliminated by antibiotics, especially if the illness is treated early.  Delayed or inadequate treatment can lead to the more serious symptoms, which can be disabling and difficult to treat”.

Turns out that Lymes disease is very rare in California and extremely rare in Southern California. The current rate of Lymes disease in Southern California is .02%, or one in 5000.  But like the politicians say, there are lies, damn lies and statistics.  So what does this all mean?  I’m testing that damn tick!

Clogen Laboratories offers DNA testing of ticks to determine if you have a Lymes disease tainted blood sucker, or just a blood sucker.  Even though my odds are good I’ve got “just a blood sucker”, I’ve decided to send the parasite in for a DNA analysis.

Stay tuned....







April 10, 2011

Santiago Truck Trail - A Favorite

Santiago Trail - Cleveland National Forest
As training runs go, today's served up some good climbing (and descending) and a good mix of terrain.  Starting on Serrano Creek trail I made my way into Whiting Rance under clear skies.  Its amazing how empty the trials are at 7 am.  I ran for a couple of hours before I saw anyone out there.  Then the mountain bike parade began.

Some runners get down on mountain bikers, and I have said a few critical words about them, but overall I'm happy to share the mountain with them.  This stems from an incident that happened to me several years ago when I was out on Santiago Trail with another runner who ran out of water.   After she drank all of my water, she started to suffer from heat exhaustion, became dizzy and nearly collapsed.  I quickly flagged down the next mountain biker who was happy to share his water.  Ever since then I gladly share trails with mountain bikers.  

I made my way up Dreaded Hill, down to Santiago Canyon Road and then up to Santiago Trail and on to Old Camp.  Modjeska Creek was the highest I've ever seen it, no doubt from the snow pack that is quickly melting on Saddleback Mountain.   I didn't have my Garmin with me so I'm guessing the total climbing for the day was in the range of 4,500', which isn't bad for an estimated 26 mile outing.  Getting time on my feet in terrain that simulates my upcoming races is the best training I can do.  

My climbing legs are nearly back after running the Old Goat 50 miler two weeks ago.  Next on the docket: Leona Divide 50 miler on April 30, my last 50 mile race for the So Cal Ultra Series.  After that come the big boys: Bishop High Sierra 100k, San Diego 100 mile and then Angeles Crest 100 mile.  All of these races are between now and July!

Deep breaths now....


March 30, 2011

Crossing the Catalina Channel

Last weekend I accompanied a stand-up paddle boarding team that raced from Catalina Island to Dana Point California -- 39 miles across the Catalina channel. The two-man team consisted of my brother Al C and Keith.  The crew boat was captained by Greg P who was supported by his son and first mate Daniel P with me serving as head swabby.    I filled in by grabbing the board during the many transitions along this trek, downing Red Bulls on the hour and scarfing whatever food remnants I had leftover from my 50 mile race the day before.  It was a great effort by Al and Keith who paddled a combined 8 hours and 42 minutes, much of the time in a difficult head wind,  and came in third place in the Masters two-man relay division.  Good job guys!

Al C
Keith


March 26, 2011

Old Goats 50 Miler -- Race Report

Knowledge is patience. Patience is knowledge. These were the words I kept repeating to myself at the Old Goat 50 miler.  Over and over.

Going in I knew this was going to be a big hurdle.  Old Goats is the second race I entered that is part of the Southern California Ultra Grand Prix series.  A reported 13,423’ of climbing and descending, a lot of technical trail and several stream crossings.  According to the Old Goat website, the “race ranks among the toughest fifty milers in the country”.

This course is nestled in the Santa Ana Mountains, a mountain range that extends for 36 miles between Orange and Riverside counties.  We started out of Blue Jay campground and headed “out and back” for 20 miles through a pretty technical single track.  This was the hors d’oeuvre served to the runners before they were offered up the 4000’, 8 mile climb from the bottom of Holy Jim Canyon to the top of Saddleback Mountain.

I need to say cheers to Charlie Nickell for standing in butt cold water to help all the runners cross a creek before we hit the Candy Store aid station.  Wearing a wetsuit and booties, Charlie stood in a stream for hours to help the runners get through a rather rapid section of the creek. How many people do you know that would do this?

As I made my way up the 4,000’ climb of Holy Jim trail and then Main Divide, I continued my mantra, knowledge is patience and patience is knowledge.  And as I approached the summit, I realized it was beginning to work. Saving my energy on the climb, I had the strength to motor through the last 15 miles.  On another note, have you guys ever listened to the song Rise by Eddie Vedder?  It was in my head for much of these 15 miles.  It’s such a cool song I hope you give it a listen.

9 hours 10 minutes and 7th place overall.  I actually felt good at the finish!

Knowledge is patience. 
 

March 21, 2011

Run Ultras - Why Do I Do It?

The moon breaks through the twilight.  Its light glows on the path before me. Over my head looms the night’s sky and in front of me the steely blue horizon is fading. I notice a tiny yellow star, twinkling.  Then it finally occurred to me why I’m out here. 

This week I signed my name on an application, licked a stamp and dropped an envelop in a big mail box on the side of the road. I drove away and looked in the rear view mirror. I could feel the skin tingling on my back.  That feeling of anticipation, kind of like jumping from a cliff to a lake far below. I’m now airborne, and there is no turning back.  Exhilaration seeps in.

Inside the envelope was an application to the Angeles Crest 100 mile run.  But sealing the envelop was my decision to run at least six ultras this year as part of the Southern California Ultra Runner Grand Prix. This is a “points earned for races completed” series of ultras with 19 races from 50k to 100 mile distances.       

Sometimes people ask why.  Why do you do this...run 50, 100 Miles?  Ok, yes, its a little different, I’ll admit.  What are the alternatives, golf?  Tennis?  Enough said there. I used to like surfing, but found it to be a little boring, waiting for the waves and all.  Cycling?  Way too much emphasis on equipment to be a genuine endurance sport for me. Swimming? Great for kids.

Viktor E. Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning that the prisoners in the Nazi concentration camps, men suffering in horrid conditions “experienced the beauty and art of nature as never before“.  In this book he writes “If someone would have seen our faces on the journey from Auschwitz to a Bavarian camp as we beheld the mountains of Salzburg with their summits glowing in the sunset, through the little barred windows of the prison carriage, he would never have believed that those were the faces of men who had given up all hope of life and liberty.  Despite that factor—or maybe because of it—we were carried away by nature’s beauty...”

Frankl published more than 30 books on theoretical and clinical psychology.  He maintained that the primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud believed, but the  discovery and pursuit of what we find meaningful.

So what does all this mean? I’m not really sure and I wish I had the answer. Maybe being carried away by a moonlit path or a steely blue horizon, or feeling the simple exhilaration of sealing an envelop, has something to do with why I do this.  Maybe I've come to realize that it's the simple things, those I used to take for granted, that matter the most.          

I hope you are carried away by your own moonlit path.  

March 13, 2011

Japan Disaster: Send a Donation






Now is a good time to send a donation to help the victims of the worst disaster that has struck Japan since the dreaded American atomic bombs destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  All you have to do is send a text and you can donate $10.  The American Red Cross raised over $32 million in a similar campaign after the Haiti Earthquake.

How?  Text to the following number: 90999 and type in REDCROSS.  I did this and immediately got a reply asking to confirm the donation.  It's as easy as that.

The Salvation Army, which has had a presence in Japan since 1895 is also providing relief.  Text QUAKE or JAPAN to 80888 to donate to SA's relief efforts there.

You can also visit these organizations websites at the following links to make a donation via credit card.

The Red Cross

The Salvation Army


March 8, 2011

This Sport Needs An Enema!

Can somebody tell me what kind of a sport we compete in when somebody dressed up as a [insert here] gets all of the press?

One of the most interesting things about ultra running is the lightening rod effect Dean Karnazes has on the sport.  The guy is not considered by many to be an elite runner in the sport (although he has won races) yet he attracts more attention than most if not all of the “elite” runners.  What is the beef here?  Dean makes money in a sport that is not considered a money maker?  Or is it just the media attention?  Since money follows the media my guess is its all about the money.

Which brings me to this post. For those ultra runners who complain about Dean, you should stop for a second to remember that every company selling you products is making money off of you!  That’s right, you!  PROFIT. Take a look at Montrail for a minute.  Glance through their “team” member websites.  Everyone of them – hook, line and sinker – is pitching the product.  They're even pitching the Montrail website!  So who is in it for the money?  Why do we have sponsors in our sport?  Why do runners seek sponsors?  For the money! Is there a line between sponsored “elite” runners and Dean?

Of course ultra runners that win the races should get most of the media attention and the money. But when you think about the general population who think running 100 miles is a throw back to Forest Gump and read People Magazine for the news, are you surprised they don’t?

Like the Joker once said, “Never rub a man’s rhubarb".

Yes of course I would like your comments! 

March 6, 2011

My Neuroma



Lyrics not to be confused with My Sherona.  No, this song goes something like this...

What the &%$# is wrong with my foot!  It feels like it is on fire.  And we’re not talking about a small brush fire here.  Holy crap I’ve got another 20 miles to run.  What am I going to do?  I wish they carried fire extinguishers at the aid stations. Every time I take a step my toes feel like they are going to explode.  Did someone stash a gaggle of fire ants in my shoe? Running gods can you hear me?!  Help.  Me......

This, of course, is the scene I’m trying to avoid at my next 50 miler just three weeks away. But this, of course, is the predicament of one runner with a neuroma on his right foot.  I thought it was just a rock that I had stepped on a few weeks back.  The burning, ugly feeling that enveloped my toes and forefoot was downright rude to me and had no sympathy for my trail savvy feet.  The burning, ugly feeling only showed itself on the longest of trail runs, but then started rearing its obnoxious head on the simple little runs during the week. Burning, ugly feeling, you're going to do this to me now? Oh boy.

So when I showed up at the podiatrist with shoes in hand I wasn’t surprised when he said it wasn’t a broken bone.  What?  Doctor please tell me I didn’t come here to find out I don’t have broken bone.  No, you’ve come here to learn about a neuroma, and that you have one in your right foot.  Neuromas suck, because they cause a burning, ugly feeling.  And it feels like your foot is on fire....Thanks Doctor.  Actually the guy was pretty cool, and he injected my foot with cortisone.






That was what he did.  What I did was rotate several shoes through several runs. I found out that certain shoes cause the neuroma to flair up, and others don’t. Unfortunately my go-to trail shoes I’ve worn in the last few races—Montrail Mountain Masochist—seem to trigger the darn thing.  My New Balance 760s, a road shoe, don't seem to trigger it.  So until such time as this $%#@ thing packs its bags for good, I’ll be running in my 760s, which of course were discontinued this year. The good news to all this? 760s are available all over the internet at half price!  Thanks running gods!  I new you would look out for me!